Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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