cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
