OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
