is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
