K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
