if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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