He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just cropdusted the office
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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