Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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