Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
