Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
