He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
