It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
