Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
