I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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