What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
