Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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