I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i drank out of a bidet.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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