I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
