im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
