How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
