I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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