I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
