he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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