i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
