I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
