i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize