i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
