youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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