Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im part way to drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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