guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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