Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS