girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.