you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies