I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.