I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
