ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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