Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
