i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
