You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No I am not eating basil off your cock
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's a naked man in my car right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
