At least make sure they are 18
Why
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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