How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
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Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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