i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
