Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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