We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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