You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
