you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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