if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
