I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
foreskin is a definite game changer
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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