And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
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Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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