I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
