you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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