dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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