I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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