i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
