i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
even my farts smell like vagina
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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