wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
