WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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