Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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