What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
