$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
