none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
