Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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