that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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