i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ladies don't puke and tell
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
