I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
