Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if only i could text you this smell
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
