TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
