kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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