Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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