And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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