she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
